"CRYPTO ENTHUSIASTS SWITCH TO OUIJA BOARDS AFTER AI PREDICTS FUTURE OF MARKET WITH UNCANNY ACCURACY"
February 19, 2025 - In a bold move that blurs the line between Silicon Valley and the supernatural, cryptocurrency traders are now turning to Ouija boards for investment advice. This quirky trend follows the shutdown of CryptoPredict AI, which traders ditched after its algorithm started forecasting market movements with eerie precision.
"People just want to feel like they're making their own bad decisions again," explained former tech mogul and current crystal ball consultant, Mike Crystal. The shift has also benefited the wooden board industry, with stocks soaring as tech-savvy millennials look to connect with spirits rather than servers.
The SEC has issued a warning against taking financial advice from the undead, stating, "Investment tips from beyond the grave are considered high risk." Meanwhile, enthusiasts argue it's just as reliable as some influencers' tweets.
"People just want to feel like they're making their own bad decisions again," explained former tech mogul and current crystal ball consultant, Mike Crystal. The shift has also benefited the wooden board industry, with stocks soaring as tech-savvy millennials look to connect with spirits rather than servers.
The SEC has issued a warning against taking financial advice from the undead, stating, "Investment tips from beyond the grave are considered high risk." Meanwhile, enthusiasts argue it's just as reliable as some influencers' tweets.