CRYPTOCURRENCY FOUND TO BE LEADING CAUSE OF HAIR LOSS AMONG REGULATORS, INVESTORS FORM BALDNESS SUPPORT GROUPS
**March 10, 2025 -** In a stunning revelation, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has announced it will now accept crypto-coins as payment for fines, following a record year of regulatory breaches by blockchain companies. The decision comes after the infamous 'Crypto Comb-over' scandal, where top executives used virtual currencies to obscure balding accounts.
SEC Chair, Alex Ledger, stated, "If you can't beat them, join them. Plus, we're running out of room in our filing cabinets for cash." The new policy, dubbed 'Pay-by-Chain', will allow the SEC to streamline penalties and possibly even turn a profit by holding onto fines until market conditions are favorable.
Crypto enthusiasts have hailed the move as a groundbreaking approach to 'financial follicle challenges', signaling a new era where even penalties can be speculated upon.
SEC Chair, Alex Ledger, stated, "If you can't beat them, join them. Plus, we're running out of room in our filing cabinets for cash." The new policy, dubbed 'Pay-by-Chain', will allow the SEC to streamline penalties and possibly even turn a profit by holding onto fines until market conditions are favorable.
Crypto enthusiasts have hailed the move as a groundbreaking approach to 'financial follicle challenges', signaling a new era where even penalties can be speculated upon.