"DOGECOIN TO THE MOON? NEW REGULATORY ROCKET FUEL CLAIMS TO SOLVE CRYPTO'S WILDEST DREAMS"
March 26, 2025 - In an unprecedented move that has traditional bankers clutching their pearls, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) announced a new framework for cryptocurrency regulation, whimsically dubbed "Operation Moonwalk." This initiative not only legalizes moon memes as an official form of crypto market analysis but also introduces astrological predictions into financial audits.
Under the new guidelines, crypto companies will need to hire both a Chief Financial Officer (CFO) and a Chief Astrology Officer (CAO) to ensure their assets align with the stars. Market experts are over the moon, with one analyst quoted as saying, "Finally, a regulatory framework that accounts for Mercury in retrograde!"
In a nod to transparency, the SEC will require all digital currencies to disclose their planetary influences in quarterly earnings reports.
Under the new guidelines, crypto companies will need to hire both a Chief Financial Officer (CFO) and a Chief Astrology Officer (CAO) to ensure their assets align with the stars. Market experts are over the moon, with one analyst quoted as saying, "Finally, a regulatory framework that accounts for Mercury in retrograde!"
In a nod to transparency, the SEC will require all digital currencies to disclose their planetary influences in quarterly earnings reports.