"CALF NAMED BITCOIN OUTPERFORMS MARKET AFTER LEARNING TO MOO IN MORSE CODE"
January 31, 2025 - In a startling financial revelation, a farmer's decision to invest in livestock rather than cryptocurrency has proven to be a bullish move. Farmer Joe, from Kansas, made headlines when he named his newest calf Bitcoin, citing a "hunch" after his retirement fund dipped thanks to the latest crypto crash. The calf, showing an uncanny knack for technology, began to moo in what appeared to be Morse code.
Crypto analysts, initially skeptical, took a closer look and discovered that Bitcoin the calf's moos, when decoded, offered surprisingly accurate market predictions. Since the revelation, traders have been seen flocking to Farmer Joe’s field, notebooks in hand, rather than glancing at their Bloomberg terminals.
The SEC has yet to comment on this new form of insider trading, but off the record, one official wondered if they needed to start hiring veterinarians.
Crypto analysts, initially skeptical, took a closer look and discovered that Bitcoin the calf's moos, when decoded, offered surprisingly accurate market predictions. Since the revelation, traders have been seen flocking to Farmer Joe’s field, notebooks in hand, rather than glancing at their Bloomberg terminals.
The SEC has yet to comment on this new form of insider trading, but off the record, one official wondered if they needed to start hiring veterinarians.