### CASH-STRAPPED U.S. GOVERNMENT CONSIDERS CREATING ITS OWN CRYPTOCURRENCY, "FREEDOM BUCKS," TO PAY OFF NATIONAL DEBT
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an eye-opening twist of economic strategy, the United States government announced today its plan to mint its very own digital currency, the 'Freedom Bucks', aiming to tackle the minor hiccup of its $31 trillion national debt. The bold move is seen by financial experts as "the most creative way to avoid fiscal responsibility since the invention of quantitative easing."
The announcement sent ripples through Wall Street and main street alike, where already-struggling comedy writers moaned about the government making their jobs too easy. Treasury Secretary Jane Doe revealed that the new currency would be “like Bitcoin, but far more reliable as it will be backed by the full faith and credit of the government—just like the dollar.”
The technical white paper released by the Treasury explains that Freedom Bucks will be fundamentally different from Bitcoin because they will be "infinitely available and mostly based on patriotic vibes." Furthermore, to really kick things off, every American will receive one Freedom Buck when they patriotically file their taxes on time and not under duress.
Cryptocurrency enthusiasts have met the news with a blend of humor and disbelief. Crypto influencer @CryptoKing tweeted: “The U.S. launching a cryptocurrency is like your grandmother buying a smartphone: she knows it’s the future, but expects it to have a rotary dial.” Meanwhile, economists around the world are hastily revising their textbooks, dedicating entire chapters to what they're tentatively calling "The Great American Crypto Experiment."
As for the older sibling of the economic family, the original U.S. dollar, it’s reportedly looking into retirement options and considering moving to a nice beach community in Bermuda. The Federal Reserve has reassured the public, however, that the dollar will still be valid for “uncertain transitional periods” or until it’s more convenient
The announcement sent ripples through Wall Street and main street alike, where already-struggling comedy writers moaned about the government making their jobs too easy. Treasury Secretary Jane Doe revealed that the new currency would be “like Bitcoin, but far more reliable as it will be backed by the full faith and credit of the government—just like the dollar.”
The technical white paper released by the Treasury explains that Freedom Bucks will be fundamentally different from Bitcoin because they will be "infinitely available and mostly based on patriotic vibes." Furthermore, to really kick things off, every American will receive one Freedom Buck when they patriotically file their taxes on time and not under duress.
Cryptocurrency enthusiasts have met the news with a blend of humor and disbelief. Crypto influencer @CryptoKing tweeted: “The U.S. launching a cryptocurrency is like your grandmother buying a smartphone: she knows it’s the future, but expects it to have a rotary dial.” Meanwhile, economists around the world are hastily revising their textbooks, dedicating entire chapters to what they're tentatively calling "The Great American Crypto Experiment."
As for the older sibling of the economic family, the original U.S. dollar, it’s reportedly looking into retirement options and considering moving to a nice beach community in Bermuda. The Federal Reserve has reassured the public, however, that the dollar will still be valid for “uncertain transitional periods” or until it’s more convenient