CRYPTOCURRENCY MARKET VOLATILITY DEEMED NEW STATE RELIGION AS FOLLOWERS PRACTICE FAITH AND PATIENCE
Date: February 20, 2025
In a groundbreaking move, the U.S. Treasury has declared that Bitcoin transactions will now be taxed based on emotional distress rather than financial gain. This comes after a tumultuous year where the 'meme coin' DogeDash surged 5000% following an endorsement by a celebrity who thought it was a new fitness app.
Treasury Secretary Jane Doe commented, "If you've been near a crypto chart, you deserve compensation. It's basically a roller coaster without the safety harness."
Meanwhile, the IRS is developing an 'Emotional Volatility Index' (EVI) to quantify investor stress levels and adjust tax rates accordingly. Crypto enthusiasts are advised to keep their heart monitors and mood rings ready for the next tax season.
In a groundbreaking move, the U.S. Treasury has declared that Bitcoin transactions will now be taxed based on emotional distress rather than financial gain. This comes after a tumultuous year where the 'meme coin' DogeDash surged 5000% following an endorsement by a celebrity who thought it was a new fitness app.
Treasury Secretary Jane Doe commented, "If you've been near a crypto chart, you deserve compensation. It's basically a roller coaster without the safety harness."
Meanwhile, the IRS is developing an 'Emotional Volatility Index' (EVI) to quantify investor stress levels and adjust tax rates accordingly. Crypto enthusiasts are advised to keep their heart monitors and mood rings ready for the next tax season.