"CASH IS CRASHING: CRYPTOCURRENCY DECLARES VICTORY, PROMISES TO ONLY COLLAPSE ONCE A WEEK"
February 25, 2025 - In a bid to revolutionize financial stability, the cryptocurrency community has unanimously decided that market crashes will now be scheduled events, limited to once per week. Leaders of major crypto exchanges, in a rare show of solidarity, proclaimed this move as a "breakthrough in planned economic spontaneity."
This decision follows the infamous 'Taco Tuesday Tumble,' last seen when Bitcoin attempted to buy a taco and accidentally devalued by 45%. "It's all about predictability," stated one crypto mogul, sipping a blockchain-infused latte. "Now, everyone can plan their panic and portfolio decimation with precision."
Investors greeted the news with cautious optimism, with many relieved that their anxiety now has a reliable timetable.
This decision follows the infamous 'Taco Tuesday Tumble,' last seen when Bitcoin attempted to buy a taco and accidentally devalued by 45%. "It's all about predictability," stated one crypto mogul, sipping a blockchain-infused latte. "Now, everyone can plan their panic and portfolio decimation with precision."
Investors greeted the news with cautious optimism, with many relieved that their anxiety now has a reliable timetable.