CRYPTOCOINS SLUMP AFTER DISCOVERY THAT MINERS CAN'T ACTUALLY DIG UP BITCOIN
March 4, 2025 - In an unprecedented turn of events, the cryptocurrency market experienced a significant downturn after a shocking revelation that miners are not, in fact, extracting physical Bitcoins from the digital earth. This realization came to light when newbie investor, Joe Schmo, publicly admitted to spending millions on state-of-the-art shovels and pickaxes in an attempt to 'dig deeper' into his computer. Financial experts, while stifling laughter, reminded the public that cryptocurrencies are "virtual" and mining involves solving complex mathematical problems, not physical excavation. The market is still grappling with the aftermath as enthusiasts everywhere facepalm in unison.