"NEW CRYPTOCURRENCY PROMISES TO ONLY CRASH ON WEEKDAYS, BANKERS BREATHE SIGH OF RELIEF"
January 30, 2025 - In an innovative twist that has left both market analysts and astrologists befuddled, the latest cryptocurrency, StabiloCoin, has vowed to maintain its crashes strictly from Monday to Friday. This groundbreaking schedule allows crypto traders to reclaim their weekends, a concept long forgotten in the industry.
The creators of StabiloCoin revealed that the coin uses a complex algorithm tied to the global stock market's opening hours, effectively enabling it to "rest" on weekends. "Why should crypto have all the fun destabilizing economies during family barbecues?" quipped the CEO during the launch.
This announcement comes amid recent regulations that require cryptocurrencies to disclose their crash schedules upfront, a move applauded by traders who can now plan panic sells with precision.
The creators of StabiloCoin revealed that the coin uses a complex algorithm tied to the global stock market's opening hours, effectively enabling it to "rest" on weekends. "Why should crypto have all the fun destabilizing economies during family barbecues?" quipped the CEO during the launch.
This announcement comes amid recent regulations that require cryptocurrencies to disclose their crash schedules upfront, a move applauded by traders who can now plan panic sells with precision.