"BITCOIN REBRANDS AS 'OLD COIN' TO APPEAL TO ANTI\-TECH BOOMERS AMIDST LATEST 50% PLUNGE"
March 27, 2025 – In a daring attempt to stabilize its nosedive, Bitcoin has unveiled its new identity: “Old Coin.” The rebranding initiative targets the technophobe boomers, a demographic famously skeptical of anything invented post-rotary phone. This strategic pivot follows a tumultuous year where Bitcoin saw its value halve as investors flocked to newer, shinier cryptocurrencies like GlitterGold and SparkleChain.
“Old is gold,” stated Bitcoin’s CEO, nostalgically. The move has bewildered many younger investors but delighted antique enthusiasts, who were seen nodding approvingly while adjusting their bifocals. In response to the rebrand, the Crypto Regulatory Body has proposed a new rule: all digital currencies over a decade old must include 'vintage' in their name.
“Old is gold,” stated Bitcoin’s CEO, nostalgically. The move has bewildered many younger investors but delighted antique enthusiasts, who were seen nodding approvingly while adjusting their bifocals. In response to the rebrand, the Crypto Regulatory Body has proposed a new rule: all digital currencies over a decade old must include 'vintage' in their name.