
"BITCOIN REBRANDS AS 'OLD COIN' TO APPEAL TO ANTI\-TECH BOOMERS AMIDST LATEST 50% PLUNGE"

"CORRUPTCOIN SURGES 5000% AFTER ENDORSEMENT BY FICTIONAL COUNTRY; INVESTORS CLUELESS BUT HOPEFUL"

CRYPTOCURRENCY ENTHUSIASTS EXCITED AS NEW COIN PROMISES TO ONLY CRASH ON LEAP YEARS
