"BITCOIN REBRANDS AS 'OLD COIN' TO APPEAL TO ANTI\-TECH BOOMERS AMIDST LATEST 50% PLUNGE"
"CORRUPTCOIN SURGES 5000% AFTER ENDORSEMENT BY FICTIONAL COUNTRY; INVESTORS CLUELESS BUT HOPEFUL"
CRYPTOCURRENCY ENTHUSIASTS EXCITED AS NEW COIN PROMISES TO ONLY CRASH ON LEAP YEARS
BITCOIN DROPS TO RECORD LOWS AFTER MILLIONAIRE'S CAT ACCIDENTALLY SELLS HIS SHARES
"DOGE DODGES DOOM: CRYPTOCURRENCY SPIKES AFTER CELEBRITY TWEETS ITS WAY OUT OF REGULATORY RUT"
"DOGECOIN TO THE MOON? NEW REGULATORY ROCKET FUEL CLAIMS TO SOLVE CRYPTO'S WILDEST DREAMS"
"DOGECOIN FOUNDERS TO LAUNCH NEW CRYPTOCURRENCY, CATCOIN: BECAUSE THE INTERNET NEEDS MORE MEMES"
CRYPTO COMMUNITY RELIEVED AFTER DISCOVERING RECENT MARKET CRASH JUST A SIMULATION DRILL, EXPERTS SAY "BEST PRACTICE FOR UPCOMING REAL ONE"
"MILLENNIALS REJOICE AS CRYPTO MARKET CRASHES ALLOW FOR BUYING DIPS THAT WERE ONCE AVOCADO TOAST"
"CRYPTOCURRENCY FOUND TO BE LEADING CAUSE OF NEWLY DEVELOPED MENTAL CONDITION: INVESTMENT FOMO"
CITIZENS PUZZLED AS NEW CRYPTOCURRENCY CALLED "REGRETICOIN" SOARS, PROMISING 100% TRANSPARENCY IN LOSSES
