"CERTIFIED STABLECOIN ROLLER COASTER NOW ACCEPTED AS A NEW OLYMPIC SPORT"
"CRYPTO CRUSADERS LAUNCH 'STABILICOIN', PROMISE IT'S TOTALLY NOT ANOTHER SCHEME DESPITE VANISHING CEO"
"CRYPTO FANS RELIEVED AS NEW REGULATIONS REQUIRE ALL TRANSACTIONS TO NOW INCLUDE FREE PRAYER FOR INCREASED VALUE"
"CRYPTO WHALES NOW REQUIRED TO WEAR LIFE JACKETS: NEW REGULATION AIMS TO PREVENT DROWNING IN VOLATILE MARKET"
"BITCOIN VOWS TO GO GREEN BY ONLY USING ENERGY WASTED BY ARGUING ON CRYPTO TWITTER"
"NEW CRYPTOCURRENCY CALLED 'BUBBLECOIN' PROMISES TO ONLY RISE IN VALUE, INSPIRED BY FEDERAL RESERVE'S CONFIDENCE IN INFLATION CONTROL"
CUTTING\-EDGE CRYPTO FIRM REVEALS NEW COIN THAT PROMISES TO CRASH FASTER THAN EVER BEFORE
"BITCOIN REBRANDS AS 'OLD COIN' TO APPEAL TO ANTI\-TECH BOOMERS AMIDST LATEST 50% PLUNGE"
"CORRUPTCOIN SURGES 5000% AFTER ENDORSEMENT BY FICTIONAL COUNTRY; INVESTORS CLUELESS BUT HOPEFUL"
CRYPTOCURRENCY ENTHUSIASTS EXCITED AS NEW COIN PROMISES TO ONLY CRASH ON LEAP YEARS
BITCOIN DROPS TO RECORD LOWS AFTER MILLIONAIRE'S CAT ACCIDENTALLY SELLS HIS SHARES
