"MILLIONAIRE BY MONDAY: NEW CRYPTOCURRENCY PROMISES TO OFFSET YOUR LOSSES WITH LOSSES FROM OTHER USERS"
CRYPTOCURRENCY INVENTS NEW SHAPE OF BUBBLE AFTER CIRCLES DEEMED TOO PREDICTABLE
CRYPTOCURRENCY FOUND TO BE LEADING CAUSE OF RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR BURNOUTS, COMPUTERS DEMAND OVERTIME PAY
CRYPTO INVESTORS REJOICE AS NEW COIN PROMISES TO ONLY CRASH ON WEEKENDS
CRYPTO ENTHUSIASTS DECLARE "OPPOSITE DAY", CLAIM MARKET CRASH IS JUST REVERSE MOONING
"CRYPTOCURRENCY CEO APOLOGIZES FOR LOSING ONLY TWO BILLION THIS TIME, PROMISES TO AIM HIGHER IN NEXT QUARTER"
"CRYPTO INVESTORS REJOICE AS NEW BUBBLE GUM COIN PROMISES TO STICK TO THE MOON"
CRYPTOCURRENCY FOUNDER VOWS TO SOLVE INFLATION BY CREATING MORE COINS: "IF PRINTING MONEY WORKS FOR GOVERNMENTS, WHY NOT FOR US?"
"GOVERNMENT DECLARES BITCOIN AS OFFICIAL CURRENCY FOR PAYING FINES IMPOSED ON CRYPTO REGULATION VIOLATORS"
"CryptoKitties Now Considered Currency in Small Island Nation: International Monetary Fund Scratches Head"
"CRYPTO INVESTORS HOPE TO RECOVER FUNDS AFTER CEO DISCOVERS FORGOTTEN WALLET PASSWORD DURING MEDITATION RETREAT"
