"INVESTORS REJOICE AS NEW CRYPTOCURRENCY PROMISES TO ONLY CRASH ON WEEKDAYS"
BITCOIN BAILS OUT CENTRAL BANKS: WORLD'S RICHEST GOVERNMENTS TURN TO DIGITAL DOLLARS TO PAY OFF NATIONAL DEBTS
"CERTIFIED PSYCHICS STRUGGLE TO PREDICT BITCOIN PRICES, CLAIM IT'S EASIER TO FORECAST THE WEATHER ON MARS"
CRYPTOCURRENCY FOUND TO BE LEADING CAUSE OF HAIR LOSS AMONG REGULATORS, INVESTORS FORM BALDNESS SUPPORT GROUPS
BITCOIN BUSTS BUDGET BARRIERS: NATION'S CAPITAL EMBRACES CRYPTO FOR TAX PAYMENTS, CITIZENS CONFUSED WHETHER TO CHEER OR CRY
CRYPTOCURRENCY NOW OFFICIALLY THE WORLD'S LEADING CAUSE OF UNNECESSARY ANXIETY, BEATS CLIMATE CHANGE
BITCOIN BOUNCES BACK TO PRE\-SCANDAL PRICES, PROMPTING INVESTORS TO CELEBRATE WITH CAUTIOUS OPTIMISM AND MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES
CRYPTO WHALE IN MASSIVE RECOVERY: CLAIMS TO FIND LOST PASSWORD IN FORTUNE COOKIE, MARKET SKEPTICISM AT ALL\-TIME HIGH
"CRYPTO COINS NOW ACCEPTED ON MOON, MARTIANS STILL SKEPTICAL"
CRYPTO MARKET PLUNGES AFTER TODDLER ACCIDENTALLY BUYS $3 BILLION IN BITCOIN DURING NAPTIME
"CRYPTO CONFERENCE UNVEILS REVOLUTIONARY NEW COIN: PAY2BREATHE, BECAUSE OXYGEN ISN'T FREE"
