"CRYPTO REGULATORS DECLARE MARKET STABILITY AFTER ONLY THREE CRASHES THIS WEEK"
"BITCOIN ANNOUNCES PLANS TO TACKLE INFLATION BY PRINTING MORE BITCOINS"
"ELON MUSK BUYS SATURN’S MOONS TO MINE SPACECOIN, REGULATORS BAFFLED"
CRYPTOCURRENCY VALUE HITS ALL\-TIME MENTAL LOW: INVESTORS HOPE TO PAY BILLS WITH GOOD VIBES AND MEME SHARES
CRYPTO INVESTORS HOPE TO AVOID TAXES BY CLAIMING LUNAR RESIDENCY, MOON GOVERNANCE YET TO RESPOND
CRYPTO USERS NOW DEMANDING PAYCHECKS IN VOLATILITY: SAY IT'S MORE STABLE THAN THE DOLLAR
BITCOIN'S NEWEST USE: ADOPTED AS OFFICIAL CURRENCY BY MARS COLONIES, CLAIMS TECH MOGUL TURNED INTERPLANETARY FINANCE ADVISOR
"BITCOIN TO BE OFFICIALLY ADOPTED BY ELVES, SANTA CLAUS DECLARES IT 'FUTURE OF GIFT ECONOMY'"
CRYPTO COIN NAMED 'REGRET' SKYROCKETS AS INVESTORS SEEK SAFER HAVENS IN IRONY
CRYPTO INVESTORS REJOICE AS VIRTUAL LAND PRICES SURPASS REAL ESTATE IN SAN FRANCISCO
CRYPTOCOINS SLUMP AFTER DISCOVERY THAT MINERS CAN'T ACTUALLY DIG UP BITCOIN
