CRYPTOCURRENCY FOUND TO BE LEADING CAUSE OF SPONTANEOUS DESK FLIPPING AMONG INVESTORS: WALL STREET BUYS MORE DESKS
BITCOIN REBRANDS TO 'STABLECOIN EXTRA' AMID NEW REGULATIONS TO PROMISE ONLY MODEST HEART ATTACKS TO INVESTORS
"CRYPTO KINGS REBRAND BITCOIN AS 'DIET GOLD', PROMISE LIGHTER WALLET WITH SAME SHINY APPEAL"
WORLD'S FIRST CRYPTO COIN BACKED BY UNICORN TEARS TO FIX MARKET VOLATILITY
CRYPTOCOINS DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM REALITY, FORM VIRTUAL NATION AMID REGULATION ROWS
CRYPTOCURRENCY MARKET VOLATILITY DEEMED NEW STATE RELIGION AS FOLLOWERS PRACTICE FAITH AND PATIENCE
"NEW CRYPTOCURRENCY, SCAMCOIN, PROMISES TO ONLY PARTIALLY STEAL YOUR MONEY: REGULATORS CONFUSED WHETHER TO APLAUD HONESTY OR PREPARE RAID"
CRYPTO ALGORITHM ARRESTED FOR INSIDER TRADING, CLAIMS IT WAS JUST FOLLOWING PROGRAMMING
"CRYPTO ENTHUSIASTS SWITCH TO OUIJA BOARDS AFTER AI PREDICTS FUTURE OF MARKET WITH UNCANNY ACCURACY"
CRYPTO INVESTORS SEEK REFUGE IN VIRTUAL BUNKERS AS REGULATORS DROP 'LEGISLATIVE BOMBS' ON MARKET
CRYPTOCURRENCY ENTHUSIASTS DECLARE "HODL THE ZEBRA" MOVEMENT, HOPING STRIPED ANIMALS WILL DISTRACT FROM MARKET VOLATILITY
