CRYPTO BILLIONAIRE DECLARES BANKRUPTCY, BLAMES LOSS ON FORGETTING PASSWORD TO WALLET
BILLIONAIRE PROMISES TO REVIVE CRYPTO MARKET WITH NEW COIN, FORGETS PASSWORD WEEK LATER
CRYPTO\-ENTHUSIASTS DECLARE "HALVING HOLIDAY"; GOVERNMENTS STRUGGLE TO KEEP UP WITH UNOFFICIAL PUBLIC HOLIDAYS
"BITCOIN BANS BANANA PEELS: FRUIT TRADERS IN A SLIPPERY SLOPE AFTER NEW CRYPTO REGULATION CUTS OFF POTASSIUM PAYMENTS"
"CRYPTO MARKETS PANIC AS BITCOIN BRIEFLY LOSES VALUE AGAINST MONOPOLY MONEY IN SHOCKING TWIST"
"BITCOIN BAILS OUT THE BANKS: IRONY ACHIEVES ALL\-TIME HIGH AS CRYPTOCURRENCY SAVES TRADITIONAL FINANCE"
"DOGECOIN FORMS UNLIKELY ALLIANCE WITH CATS: PLANS TO BECOME FIRST CRYPTO TO CONQUER PET ECONOMY"
CRYPTOCOIN CALAMITY: INVESTORS RUSH TO BUY NEW 'PONZICOIN' DESPITE CEO'S PREVIOUS FIVE PRISON STINTS
"BITCOIN BUSTED BY UNPAID ELECTRIC BILL: BLOCKCHAIN LITERALLY IN THE DARK"
"CRYPTO WHALES NOW ACCEPTING THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS AS NEW OFFICIAL CURRENCY AFTER LATEST MARKET CRASH"
"BITCOIN DECLARES ITSELF A COUNTRY, IMMEDIATELY SEEKS BAILOUT FROM INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND"
