"CRYPTO INVESTORS HOPE TO RECOVER FUNDS AFTER CEO DISCOVERS FORGOTTEN WALLET PASSWORD DURING MEDITATION RETREAT"
DIGITAL DOLLARS IN DISMAY: CRYPTO CAT EMBEZZLES BILLION IN MOUSE TOKENS, SPARKS CALLS FOR FELINE\-FREE FINANCE
CRYPTOCONOMICS IN CHAOS: INVESTORS RUSH TO BUY NEW 'STABILICOIN' DESIGNED TO ONLY EVER DECREASE IN VALUE
"CRYPTO WHALES CLAIM THEY CAN'T SWIM IN REGULATED WATERS: CITE SUFFOCATING LAYERS OF GOVERNMENT LIFE JACKETS"
"CRYPTO CONGRESS: LAWMAKERS INVEST IN WEB3 CLASSES, VOW TO ASK SMARTER QUESTIONS AT NEXT HEARING"
"CASH IS CRASHING: INVESTORS RUSH TO SWAP DOLLARS FOR DOGECOIN IN LIGHT OF RECENT FED TYPOS"
"BITCOIN DECLARES IT WILL RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2024, PROMISES TO MAKE WALLET BALANCES GREAT AGAIN"
CRYPTOCURRENCY EXPERTS PREDICT NEXT BIG SURGE IN VALUE – EVERYONE NODS SAGELY AT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT TIMES
CRYPTO COMMUNITY THRILLED TO DISCOVER NEW COIN THAT ONLY CRASHES ON DAYS ENDING IN 'Y'
"CASH IS CRASHING: INVESTORS RUSH TO STORE WEALTH IN LASER\-EYED MONKEY NFTS AMIDST GLOBAL BANK DOUBTS"
"CRAZY COIN'S CRAZY RIDE: CRYPTOCURRENCY NOW ACCEPTED ON MARS, EARTH STILL UNSURE"
