"CRYPTO MARKET CRASHES AGAIN; INVESTORS CLAIM 'PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT'"
CRYPTOCOIN CLIMBS AFTER CEO PROMISES TO LITERALLY SEND IT TO THE MOON
CRYPTOCURRENCY FOUNDERS SHOCKED TO DISCOVER BLOCKCHAIN ACTUALLY REQUIRES BLOCKS AND CHAINS, REGULATORS JUST AS SURPRISED
"MILLIONAIRE DOG CLAIMS TO HAVE INVENTED BITCOIN, SUES FOR BONE PAYMENTS"
"BITCOIN BUYS BANANAS: NEW PEEL PROTOCOL AIMS TO SLIP UP CRYPTO TAX EVADERS".
"NEW CRYPTOCURRENCY PROMISES TO ONLY CRASH ON WEEKDAYS, BANKERS BREATHE SIGH OF RELIEF"
CRYPTO ENTHUSIASTS PROPOSE PAYING TAXES IN MEME COINS; GOVERNMENTS CONSIDER ACCEPTING ONLY SAD CAT GIFS INSTEAD
ELON MUSK TWEETS 'GOOD MORNING' AND SENDS DOGECOIN SURGING: INVESTORS NOW SET ALARMS FOR TWEET NOTIFICATIONS
CRYPTOCURRENCIES DECLARE "WE'RE TOO BIG TO FAIL" AND REQUEST GOVERNMENT BAILOUTS AFTER LATEST MARKET CRASH
"CRYPTO INFLUENCERS NOW OFFERING THERAPY: COUNSELING FOR VICTIMS OF THEIR OWN FAILED PUMPS AND DUMPS"
"GOVERNMENT SHOCKED AS CRYPTOCURRENCY INVESTORS PAY TAXES, PROMISE TO REGULATE EVEN HARDER"
